The frustrating nature of lost luggage has plagued man as long as airports have been around. Why is this happening if we have a “perfect system”? This can only be explained by the power of the gods. This is the actual truth behind the annoying, enraging phenomenon we call lost luggage.
Most ancient cultures assign a god specifically to every occurrence. In the case of lost luggage his name is Cleptomethious. The reason he is in charge of such a frowned upon task is that although he is a full blooded god and needed to have control over something in the mortal world, he’s also Hade’s wife’s nephew and all of his first choices (computers, people who win the lottery, ice cream) were beyond him socially. Now I know that you want to correct me on the fact that Persephone can’t have a nephew when she doesn’t have any siblings. Well…as we all know Zeus was fond of Demeter but let’s not get into that.
Like most gods, his choices about what happens to whom are influenced by his own interests. Like if he sees a business C.E.O. not give a tip to the guy who shined his shoes, or if someone brings in the latest addition of the Spiderman comics (even though he could just make it appear at his leisure because he is a god…but things have more meaning to him when they are stolen), or if he’s bored and just wants to make someone twenty minutes late for their ride. Some of the time his motives for making a person a duffle bag lighter are for the good, refer to the C.E.O. statement, but as a practicing kleptomaniac, any stealing, to him, is for the greater good. If you didn’t know, it may help to learn, that most items that aren’t able to be returned back to their original owners are sold and the money goes to the government or is given to the homeless.
Like all gods sometimes Cleptomethious makes mistakes. That’s why you hear so many stories about people getting their stuff back. Instead of following the trend of trying to cover up his mess, he does the honorable thing, admits his fault and tries to make it right. Compulsion and conflict beg for resolution. This is why you can find lost luggage offices in airports. If you get your items back unharmed then you have the apologetic eyes of Cleptomethious watching over you, if not then you might want to start packing lighter or taking the train.
Hopefully this explains all the trouble you had when you came back from your vacation and found your bag of souvenirs wasn’t waiting for you at baggage claim. It would be horrible to think that your bobble heads and flower covered shirts were lost by being accidentally transferred to northwest
